Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Embracing Dharma! By April Martucci - October Jala Ambassador

When I first started to practice, I went into it mostly for the physical benefits. I knew that Eastern thought and philosophy intrigued me, but I didn’t know how yoga tied into all that. My intrigue was a superficial interest – I thought it was cool to like Buddhism yet knew nothing about it. After signing up for the Intro to Eastern Thought class at University, I got a tattoo of the ‘om’ symbol, and called myself Buddhist to my Catholic father one year while home for Christmas break (that caused a lot of waves to say the least). Still I really didn’t know the teachings from the heart but rather vaguely in the mind, on an intellectual level. 

When I first started taking yoga classes in 1996, I felt that it matched my physicality so well. Having been a dancer and gymnast, the movement of asana felt organic and familiar. But because I was such a restless soul, I hated that the teacher talked in the beginning and the chanting annoyed me. It took up so much time in the beginning of class, and fidgeting in my seat, I glared at the clock wondering when the sweaty part of the class would come. Then I figured out a trick: I started coming late because of my disdain for the dharma and kirtan. While everyone would be in Savasana at the end of class, I would sneak out early feeling that just lying there on your back was a waste of time, and plus I had things to do! I suffered from the disease that is so prevalent in our culture now: busy-ness. Why would I want to listen to someone talk and chant and then lie there when I could be filling up my time with some more important things? Busy-ness is our culture’s disease, and speed is our addiction.

Fast forward 14 years, and dharma and chanting AND Savasana are probably my favorite parts of class. If I am late to class now, I won’t go because of a respect I have for the teacher, the class, and the lineage of yoga. If I need to leave early, I will inform the teacher, or I will not go to the class that time. 
We live in a narcissistic culture wherein we feel we are owed something; we can just go and take what we need – for me back then, just the workout. This is very common. I see it all the time, and I despise it when someone does that to my class and me now. It is so true that traits we find repulsive in others are often characteristics that we possess ourselves. Seeing people have that ‘I will take what I need’ attitude makes me cringe because it’s poor etiquette and gross, but perhaps also because I was guilty of that at one point. As the saying goes, ‘every sinner has a future, but every saint has a past’. Unashamed of the past, I bow down to all the gurus who brought me to a more peaceful place in life. I thank the friend who wronged me, the boyfriend who betrayed me, and the co-worker who ratted me out – they are all gurus. If we can see our lives as our biggest teachers, or gurus, we discover that suffering lessens, and our perspective broadens. We think bigger in the sense that we are not calculating our revenge or doing harm to that person who has done us harm, but instead we can thank them for opening our eyes to certain truths. This doesn’t mean that you need to go back to that negative energy, but you can see those people along the way as being useful to you. They taught you a lesson, and they should be thanked for this, and you move on.

Not sure exactly when I started to embrace the dharma and the chanting, but it came eventually. Disappointment, trauma, heartbreak and loss most likely made me more inclined to sit and listen to the teacher or chime in with the rest of class while they chanted to Shiva. The yoga is a state, not something you do. Dharma, chanting, asana are all tools that help you get to that state called yoga. 

Yoga is the state in which you are present – not grasping, clinging or attaching. The second lesson in this would be that we cannot attach to that which we think we like or dislike today for tomorrow or in 14 years it may shift and become our most favorite thing. Staying detached from our likes and dislikes also decreases suffering. You remain open, receptive. And when it’s time for Savasana you are receiving all that you need, enjoying the benefits of the ancient practice, and just wishing that the teacher keeps you there longer..

April Martucci
Yoga Teacher | New York, NY